So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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