i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize