No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think my vagina is haunted
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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