my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize