shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
