seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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