Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
