so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
