So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
