So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
