I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
