Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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