We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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