i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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