Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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