Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize