people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
