I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
