OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
