I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Can you repeat that, but with context?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
