I seem to have left my pride at pride
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
