Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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