dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
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I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We had to coat check the pizza.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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