This is not my ceiling
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
