i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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