My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he was CRYING into my vagina
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
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the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
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the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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