so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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