2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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