We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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