Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
