i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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