There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
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You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
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I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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