My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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