theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I am midnight drunk by noon
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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