went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
