I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
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I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
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I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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