lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
