Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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