Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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