I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
