I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
