I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack