I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...