I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize