Texts From Last Night

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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.

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  (601): She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine. http://tfl.nu/p4hk
  Replies (21) Good night (519) Bad night (3467)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  i will never coherently bang her

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  (207): i will never coherently bang her http://tfl.nu/z0d8
  Replies (6) Good night (736) Bad night (3084)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to

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  (704): My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to http://tfl.nu/cyq1
  Replies (13) Good night (4821) Bad night (1027)
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  (619): View more from California

  woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.

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  (619): woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word. http://tfl.nu/lmgd
  Replies (20) Good night (5771) Bad night (1201)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.

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  (530): We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers. http://tfl.nu/jnk6
  Replies (17) Good night (4270) Bad night (929)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us

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  (405): Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us http://tfl.nu/zowi
  Replies (4) Good night (4377) Bad night (932)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.

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  (256): Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower. http://tfl.nu/xm1k
  Replies (16) Good night (1906) Bad night (3713)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Drunk walkin through police station. America

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  (406): Drunk walkin through police station. America http://tfl.nu/cieu
  Replies (13) Good night (2939) Bad night (842)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I have surprise drugs for everyone

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  (404): I have surprise drugs for everyone http://tfl.nu/7gjj
  Replies (11) Good night (2747) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.

  (940): View more from Texas

  Deal.

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  (281): Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass. (940): Deal. http://tfl.nu/ji2y
  Replies (14) Good night (2849) Bad night (587)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  you are never too drunk for berry picking

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  (254): you are never too drunk for berry picking http://tfl.nu/1gaj
  Replies (7) Good night (1443) Bad night (453)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?

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  (770): Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area? http://tfl.nu/etm9
  Replies (10) Good night (778) Bad night (769)
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.

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  (772): I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison. http://tfl.nu/yxd5
  Replies (2) Good night (914) Bad night (420)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care

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  (918): I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care http://tfl.nu/shwc
  Replies (1) Good night (1281) Bad night (285)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.

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  (701): If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs. http://tfl.nu/qa5n
  Replies (5) Good night (420) Bad night (1149)

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