Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck

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23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Read it at the TFLN blog
(515): View more from Iowa

Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?

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(917): View more from New York City

she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.

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(816): View more from Missouri

Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour

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(818): View more from California

Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.

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