C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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