Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
