I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
