you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
