Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
