It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
