$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
