Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
be right there i have to get my cape
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
