Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
