i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize