you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
