dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
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What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
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I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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