having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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