Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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