Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
