Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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