K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
