Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
