this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
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that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
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He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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