You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
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Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You may now shotgun with the bride
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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