cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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