I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
