She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
