i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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