I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
