i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
