if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
