It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
