let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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