THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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