Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
you had me at cake vodka
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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