She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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