Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
