If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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